I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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