she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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