Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
