You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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