Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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