dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
