Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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