When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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