anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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