Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
