i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
