My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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