I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
