my shit smells like andre
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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