Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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