I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
