I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
