i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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