what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you traded sex for a burrito?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
