I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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