Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
