Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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