I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
