sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
