it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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