my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
