This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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