My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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