Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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