Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
