Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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