8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
