Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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