Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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