What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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