May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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