it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
