Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
