I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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