Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
