i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
