I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
