As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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