I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize