Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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