I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
