I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
