I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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