Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
