I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
