We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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