how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
