Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
