i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
