I am puke
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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