Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
