just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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