He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
