I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
