i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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