I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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