It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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