he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
