and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
