Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
