Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
