this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
