This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
