Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
