a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
