that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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